Home

Right now im sitting in my bed in Cupertino, my house. However, it doesn't feel like home. Its kinda like being on vacation. Everything feels slow and calm yet strangely disturbing. Anxiety is building up in me like an aneurysm slow builds up in the bifurcating parts of an artery. Its a slow and surreptitious build up, but i know its there waiting to break off and suffocate my heart. I can't fight the fact that i am now a sophomore waiting to plunge headfirst into clinical internships and MCAT study parties, but i strangely feel that it can wait, which is like eating a salty bowl of pho in spite of this deadly blood clot. Sigh, i need to get going going gone or else my dreams will be.

Being at home makes me dearly miss the old times. The times where my brother was home to play, where my sister scolds me and teaches me to be a gentleman, where my mother could eat food without choking at least once, and the times where i would hide behind the laundry room door to scare my dad as he cautiously walks in from his long day at work. But those days are long gone. My father lives alone in shanghai, my brother is living the life in sunny San Diego, my sister is busy busy busy, and my mom is slowly losing her health. Most of all i miss the times of worrying only about the now. Waking up early Saturday morning to play soccer; suiting up in my fashionable collared ayso soccer jerseys putting on my puma cleats and divulging in organised sports. Life was so simple back then.

Meh, i miss my friends from Cupertino. Its not the same in Davis. Those friends are cool too, but everything seems kinda shallow. Hopefully ill find some good friends like the ones here too.

that is all.

~Tim